The Absentee Councillor for Harefield, mythical character Professor Henry Pygmalion, has become the central figure in a storm over the 347 bus service after being unable to find a seat on the bus to Uxbridge, forcing him to have to sit on the floor. 

Seeking to make political gain over the incident, the Councillor who no one has ever seen immediately contacted all mainstream media including the BBC, ITV, Sky News, the Daily Hate Mail, the Sun and DJ Ray Pond on the Costcutter Breakfast Show on Harefield Hospital Radio. 

He was quoted as saying “The buses may have been privatised but they need to be more privatised to keep the oiks off them. I don’t know about Oyster Cards, one should have to own an American Express Gold Card at the very least to catch a bus. We need to review the current fare structure and raise the prices considerably to ensure the common people can’t afford to travel by bus so there’s plenty of seats available for us toffs!”  

The Scandal spoke to a bloke in the pub, Mr. Smudger from CLOT, the Campaign for Longer Opening Times. “That’s bollocks” he told us “There’s plenty of seats on the bus. I had to get a bus the other day to Uxbridge Police Station to hand in a piece of jewellery that I found but keep that to yourself ‘cos I don’t like to talk about it. It was a Cartier Genital Piercing Ring that nobody claimed. If the police don’t find the owner I’m gonna put it on eBay. I’ve got a receipt and everything”. 

The Scandal contacted the Conservative Party Central Office to speak to Professor Pygmalion but the lady who answered replied “Where? Harefield? Isn’t that one of those Rotten Boroughs? Who? Pymalion? Never heard of him. Have you tried the Missing Persons Bureau?”