Villagers are warned to look out for an escaped acrobat from the Dutch Circus on the common. The human only Billy Mills Cirque du Crossaint Extravaganza arrived in the village this week ready for Thursday’s grand opening night. 

It is believed the acrobat,  Willhelm de Wonker from Willenstad in the Netherlands, absconded sometime on Wednesday afternoon after feeding time. He is not considered dangerous but may be missing his medicinal marijuana. Circus officials think he could be disguised as either a clown, a normal looking villager or probably both. 

Originally it was thought that he tried to escape in a clown’s car as a Mark 2 Ford Escort with no doors was found in the Legion car park but this turned out to be a  mini cab. 

Ringmaster Eric Picklejar, aka the Great Stupido, told the Scandal “That’s the trouble with having to use humans since the council banned the use of animal acts. We still employ the animals as trainers and keepers but the humans resent it”. 

Man tamer Harry Hussain, a Bengal tiger from Chittagong, is understood to have locked up the human in his cage for the night after letting him loose on the common for some exercise but didn’t bolt the cage properly. “I must admit I’d been over the Kings Arms and may have been a bit pissed” Harry informed our reporter “But I came back and let him out for a shit on the common and must’ve neglected to secure the cage correctly. Well, we’ve all done it one time or another haven’t we?”  

Circus owner, West Indian elephant Johnny Too Bad, has offered a reward for the return of the acrobat. “Anyone giving information that leads to the safe return of Willhelm will receive a pair of half price vouchers to Friday’s matinee performance” he offered “Or you can pick some up from any good newsagent in the village. And all of the crap ones as well!”