There were riots in Harefield on Friday night after a 331 bus driver got lost in the village. The hapless driver turned left at the post office instead of right and as the news spread on the popular Facebook page Harefield Up Your Arse, an angry mob with pitchforks and flaming torches soon gathered.

Leader of the Harefield Residents Revolutionary Party Ms Mandy Rice-Pudding released an online statement “We never had this trouble with the 347s. You could set your watch by them. This lot, well, they hunt in packs they do, none for over an hour then six at once turn up. And their appearance ! Don’t get me started! Eye patches, cutlasses, hooks for hands and wooden legs. Oh no, hang on, I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean with that nice Cliff Richards in it last night”.

The angry mob soon pulled the driver out of his bus and dragged him to the pond where a ducking stool was being hastily erected. “Witch! Witch! Witch!” they chanted and before long someone called out the Harefield Home Guard.

On arrival of the Garda the mob soon dispersed and our Current Events Correspondent Gladys Friday caught up with Captain Hoppy the Geordie. “It’s really a job for the polis” he told her “But that PC Brigade hasn’t gorra clue man. Anyway, there’s a new firm in toon the noo, Captain Manucci’s reign of terror is over. Nee more mistah nice guys. Me an’ Sergeant Shifta took the driver roond the back of the Swan an’ girrim a good kickin’ tha bastard”