A 207 bus has got stuck across the gates of St. Mary’s Church, blocking the entrance to the historic 11th century building. A team of engineers from Clancys are attempting to free it but it remains firmly wedged.

The driver, Stan Varney, 54, from Luxton, was reportedly trying to find the bus stop at the cemetery gates when a gust of wind blew him off course and he has now blocked all traffic in and out of the church. The conductor, Jacko, 47, from Nookie Hole, Beds, groaned “What ya doing Stan? We won’t find any crumpet here phnaar phnaar!”

Vicar of St. Mary’s, the Reverend Killjoy moaned “I’ve got three weddings, four funerals and two christenings all backed up now. I’ve told them to keep circling until we regain access to the church but if we don’t get a move on it’s looking like we’ll get at least one more christening and a couple of funerals out of them”.

Local fuckwit Errol Terry, 58, who lives all alone in Liddley Lane at number 22, said “I’m gonna use my photoshop skills to superimpose the bus on top of the KA with Barney Tone driving it to recreate some of the wacky things we used to do forty years ago when we were pissed!”