All of Harefield came together last night for the traditional switching on of the Christmas lights on the common. The illuminations were turned on this year by members of the pop group Little Mick, who also led the carol singers in a rousing version of songs from their number one album “It’s a Little Mick Christmas “.

The common was packed with revellers, carols were sung by candlelight led by the Reverend Killjoy, Father Fiddler and the Combined Churches’ Choir to the sound of the 4th Harefield Venture Scouts Silver Band. Mulled wine, mince pies, sausage rolls and stollen cakes were being given away at the various stalls, Santa dispensed gifts for the children and cups of egg nog for the grownups from his grotto and courting teenagers held hands on the festive Ferris wheel.

Not everyone was impressed though. The Good Witch Granny Mango told the Scandal “I love Christmas, me. It was a truly wondrous occasion and it makes a nice change for me to enjoy myself on the common and not get dragged screaming into a ducking stool on the pond, but those Christmas lights in the High Street eh? You’ve got to admit they’re a bit pants?”

“I mean, since the council took over it’s all gone downhill. The shop keepers used to do the lights themselves, we used to have a parade through the High Street with all the little children dressed as elves and pixies and Mr. Smudger would dress up as Santa and drive through in his sleigh lobbing cans of Stella at people until he crashed into the phone box on the common but as usual the council have ruined everything!”

Her brother, a satirical author from the upmarket Dovedale estate added “Christmas is a time for children and families. Now fuck off and leave me alone!”