Man who didn’t put clocks back waiting for pub to open. 

Harefield pressure group the Campaign For Longer Opening Times (CLOT) are urging villagers not to put their clocks back today. Chairman of CLOT, Mr. Smudger from round Ash Grove told the Scandal “We are part of a nationwide campaign to keep British Summertime. This putting clocks back is supposed to be for the farmers but in the winter they keep all their cows and chickens indoors anyway so what does it matter?” 

From his seat at the bar in the Harefield Inn he went on “We’ve been calling for longer opening times but with the clocks going back we get less drinking time. You go out at twelve but it’s only really eleven so you lose an hour there. Then they shut an hour early too cos the clocks have gone back so you’ve lost another hour. Or somethink”. 

His henchmen Mr. Shifter and Mr. Hoover agreed. When our reporter pointed out that you get an extra hour in bed Mr. Shifter answered “Yeah but what good is that? The pubs are shut so you can’t use that time constructively “. Mr. Hoover added ” Ah but where has that hour come from? Out of our drinking time, that’s where!”  

The two hundred year old wizard Hairspring interrupted from his cosy seat by the pub fire “They are trying to meddle in the dark arts of which they have no understanding. No good can come of this”. He then waved his staff in the direction of the fire and a figure of flames emerged from the hearth and danced before Mr. Smudger. “Forgive them oh Baphomet for they know not what they doeth!” 

Mr. Ho Ho Ho, landlord of the Official Best Pub In The Village watched on from his position behind the bar and shook his head wisely with a sardonic grin. “They always get like this after a few pints of Old Bedwetter” he explained. “I’ll put some roast potatoes on the bar for them. That’ll shut ’em up. Stupid bastards!”

Mr. Smudger from round Ash Grove on Snapchat.