The Harefield and District Rural Council are to start charging children to play on the swings on the common. After a late night meeting on Thursday in the council chambers at Harefield Town Hall it was announced that the playground area is to be fenced off and entry will be through a turnstile. 

Parents will be able to buy an Oyster type card from the library which can only be topped up from authorised convenient outlets in the village such as The Old Orchard and the Dolphin’s Fish and Chip Shop. 

This ruling follows a legal precedent set by Stoke Giblet Parish Council to charge charity fun runners to run through their park. Many other local authorities nationwide have followed suit. Beaconsfield County Council already charge two pounds to weary husbands of women shoppers for sitting on their benches in the High Street and the Greater Harrow Assembly have introduced a Pavement Tax. 

Curiously every councillor our reporter spoke to told her they had voted against the proposal and how shocked they were at the decision. Lord Mayor of Harefield Baron Londis described his dismay at the outcome ” What a ridiculous idea! It’s sheer lunacy! Whoever came up with that idea needs shooting. Whatever next? Taxing people for having a spare bedroom?”  

The scheme is expected to commence before the fair comes  to the common in July. Owner of Smiths Steam Fair, Old Tom Smith, told the Scandal ” In an open marketplace it is only fair, excuse the pun, that there should be a level playing field and that the competition should be, er, competitive. Er hang on, I’ve lost my thread. Oh yeah, so we’re gonna undercut the Harefield Council and introduce free rides on the Monday night”. 

Many Harefieldians have taken to social media to register their displeasure at the news. On the popular Facebook page Harefield Up Your Arse left wing activist Arnie Fraser has been trying to recruit a traditional angry mob complete with pitchforks and flaming torches whilst on the website harefieldmumsnet.com user cherylsweettits96 wrote ‘My Britney an her mates ain’t got nowhere to play round here. I carnt afford to pay for swings cos her dad hasn’t paid his mainternunce an he sed he’d take her to Centre Parks but he didn’t take her cos he sed he has no money but I no he has cos he bort his new bird an X box an she’s on benerfits an she works as a stripper in the Prince of Wales an she has no tits either ‘ 

We asked Len the librarian how he felt about having to administer the scheme and if he thought that this meant the swings would soon fall into disrepair and that children would just start hanging around the bus stop and start smoking at an earlier age but he merely replied “Shhhhh!!!!!”  

  
The fair on the common. Free rides on Mondays. 

  
Len the Librarian.