A dog’s car window was smashed in the High Street yesterday whilst he was sitting inside it on the hottest day of the year so far. 

Local dog Derek Goodboy was waiting for his owner Betty Hooser-Goodboy whilst she was in the shops when vandals broke his driver side window and tried to drag him out of the car. 

Derek, 6, a Doberlabradoodle from up Northwood Road, told our reporter “I just dropped Betty down the shops. She asked me if I wanted to go in with her but I was listening to Pop Master on the Ken Bruce Show. I told her just get me some of Mr. Robinson’s home made pork sausages. Apparently he can’t get no bones no more, they’ve stopped making them or something. I was sitting there having a fag when some woman comes up and smashed me window in and starts calling me a bastard!”  

Betty added “I just popped into the chemist for some tampons and booked Derek in for a pedicure and a de-worming with Sue in the Pet Shop when I heard an almighty crash and saw Derek with his car window all broken having a row with this woman. He loves that car, he’s always out there cleaning it and he does all his own servicing and everything. Now he’s gonna have to get Autoglass out and pay the excess”. 

“Tampons?” muttered Derek “Who’s she trying to kid? Incontinence pads more like! She’s seventy if she’s a day, the daft old bat!”  

Derek looking more pissed off than usual.