Harefield donkey Jasper Jones is to audition for the upcoming reality show Harefield’s Got Talent. Jasper, 25, from Harvil Road, is said to be so excited at the prospect of appearing in the production that he has already been practising his singing to a kareoke machine, keeping local residents amused during the long summer nights. 

The show will take place in the Church Hall on October 8th and organisers say that plenty of villagers have applied to audition. “The quality of the entrants has been astounding” show director Luvvie Darling, 28, from the Harefield Amateur Dramatics Society told our reporter. “We have Jake Balldropper, Harefield United’s goalie, who is quite an accomplished juggler, Hairspring the Wizard who does magic tricks and Professor Henry Pygmalion who does a disappearing act once elected. Then there is Mr. Smudger from round Ash Grove who can drink a pint of beer in two seconds flat although I’m not sure what his act is”. 

The judging panel of Terry the Barber, Hoppy the Geordie, his wife Pet Geordie, Felicity Comfortable-Shoes and the Bloke Who Walks Backwards Along Harvil Road are expected to start auditioning in the Scout Hut this week. Bribes should be enclosed along with the entry fee and passed to Hoppy who will be in the Bowls Club beforehand. 

Our reporter interviewed Jasper the Donkey who told us he is looking for a comedy partner for his act. “What I really need” he emphasised “Is a couple of blokes to make up a pantomime horse as a straight man to my sophisicated comedy. I have this gag where I say ‘Are you the front end of a donkey?’ When they say no I ask ‘Are you the back end of a donkey?’ They say no again then I go ‘Then you sir are no end of an ass!’ Geddit? Hilarious! I’m here all week! Hee haw hee haw!”