Drinkers from the Royal British Legion Ex Serviceman’s Working Man’s Social Club have voted to remove a picture of Queen from the wall of the snug at this year’s AGM. The portrait, that has adorned Harefield’s premier drinking establishment since Live Aid, is said to be too redolent of Britain’s colonial past when we used to hold rock concerts to feed starving children who won’t see snow in Africa this Christmas Time.

Opinion was divided amongst villagers. We sent our royal correspondent Jenny Penny-Sterling into the High Street to gauge public mood. Lego hod carrier Frodo Fourfingers, 154, a hobbit from Mount Pleasant said “Why get rid of a picture of Queen? Freddie was a role model for all of us manly men with his fine bushy mustachios and his tight white T shirt. You couldn’t get more of a bloke’s bloke than Freddie. No lady was safe with him around “.

Whilst Professional Bingo Caller Ollie Onitsown, 43, from Sanitary Close complained “Who wants to sit drinking looking at a picture of Queen, the big girl’s blouses? Long haired yobbos the lot of them. You can’t tell if they’re boys or girls! They should have a photo of that nice Graham Norton instead”.

Legion steward Alf Price told the Scandal “It’s a democracy here at the Club. If the members don’t want a picture of Queen it’s up to them. I’m gonna put up a portrait of Her Majesty Her Royal Highness the Queen Elizabeth the Second. Now there’s a lady we all look up to. I bet she’s lonely now Phil has gorn. She’s welcome here for a game of darts, some karaoke and a round of cheese and diesel sandwiches any time, Gawd save ‘er!”