A spy drone was involved in a near miss incident over Harefield with a light aircraft from Denham Aerodrome yesterday. 

The plane, a Tiger Moth biplane belonging to Biggles Flying School of Denham, was on a routine training flight performing aerobatics over the Colne Valley and in the middle of a loop the loop it had to take evasive action to miss an unmanned drone. 

Flying instructor Wing Commander Rory Beaumont, 89, told the Scandal “I was showing young Ginger the ropes doncha know when this damn thing came out of nowhere just like the Jerries used to. Right out of the sun it came! I said what the blazes was that Ginger, did a double barrel roll and looped the loop, came up behind it and blasted the fucker right out of the sky!”  

A Tiger Moth biplane. 

The spy drone was owned by Harefield man Tom Pepys, 44, from Ooh Wacka Doo Wacka Day Drive on the Gilbert O’Sullivan estate, where he lives with his parents. He told our reporter ” I was flying my spy drone just looking at wildlife not looking in ladies’ windows or anything like that. Yes, that’s it, I was looking for rare birds you know like er, swans and crows and that. Now I’m left with a big expensive pile of crap on the ground.”

Mr Pepys tried to contact Biggles Flying School to claim off their insurance but they told him they didn’t know who was flying the plane. “We’ve got loads of planes” a gentleman who said his name was Big Les told him.”How are we to know which one it was and who was flying it, the instructor or the pupil? The insurance will just call it knock for knock anyway”. 
The Air Traffic Accident Investigation Team from the Harefield Constabulary were called to the crash site. PC Brigade told the Scandal “After investigating the Incident thoroughly I have cautioned both parties regarding their future conduct. I have advised Mr. Pepys to curtail his spy drone activities and to stick to knicker nicking like he used to and I have instructed Wing Commander  Beaumont next time he gets hit by a drone not to blast the fucker out of the sky!”  

Last night Harefield and District Rural Council held an emergency meeting where they passed new bylaws restricting the use of spy drones in the Denham flight path. The Lord Mayor of Harefield, Baron Londis released a statement. “If it’s not one thing it’s the other with this bastard village. I’ll be glad when the election comes around in May”. When he was reminded that he has another three years to go in his term of office he replied “It’s always a pleasure to serve this wonderful community. Vote Londis!”  

One of the new council signs on the common.