Scholars at the Harefield Academy For Gifted Children were sent home early for Easter yesterday after a prankster fed the Easter Bunny laxative chocolates. The ensuing mess resulted in the school hall being closed to all pupils. Caretaker Fred Grumble groaned ‘Them bastard kids. I suppose they think it’s bastard funny. It’s me who’s left to clear up the bastard mess. I blame the bastard parents etc etc’. New head teacher Ms. Moribund laughed it off, saying ‘The children are in high spirits with the Easter holidays approaching. It’s just a bit of fun with no harm done. I’m sure our pupils will put the extra time off to good use and do some extra revising before the mock O levels in April’. The Easter Bunny, Bob Gorman, complained ‘It’s not funny. I’m shitting through the eye of a needle. My ringpiece is red raw. I don’t even like chocolate, I don’t know why I ate it’.