Harefield Council have announced that they are to turn the common into an England Fan Zone following Monday night’s 2-1 thrashing of Tunisia. As World Cup fever takes hold in the village the Mayor Mr. Smudger from round Ash Grove revealed plans for a giant screen by the pond on the nudist beach. Smudger, who replaced former unelected Mayor Stella Stiletto in a continuity error, told the Scandal “As England are definitely going to win the World Cup it’s only fair that villagers should be able to come together as a community to cheer our brave boys on”

The Council has put contingency plans in place should the Fair turn up before England get knocked out. “We’ll just put them in a nearby farmer’s field and if they leave a load of shit behind it’ll create jobs for the locals” explained Smudger, leader of CLOT, the Campaign for Longer Opening Times.

Another popular Harefield character is likely to put in an appearance before the end of the tournament. Guido Forquez, an Argentinian mannequin, is expecting to be called upon for the first time since 1982 and is prepared to be strung up from a lamppost when the Argies knock England out on penalties.

“A public lynching is just the thing to raise the public’s morale ” explained Smudger ” It’s all that’s left since the Health and Safety Brigade banned drowning witches”.