England supporters took to the streets last night after the national team were knocked out of the Euros by a team from Bejams. 

Drinkers at the Harefield Inn who had been watching the match on the giant screen in the popular sports bar swarmed out of the pub at full time, mostly crossing the road to collect their winnings at Bill the Bookies, having bet heavily on the opposition. 

Members of the respectable Football Club quietly drank up and went home as normal, some sportingly muttering ‘Well played Bejams’ and ‘The best team won’. Down the road at the Cricket Club the regulars carried on watching highlights of the England vs Sri Lanka one day international, unperturbed and uninterested in the work shy fops who masquerade as international footballers. 

In the Kings Arms over thirty of the pub’s  public bar crowd formed an angry mob armed with flaming torches and pitchforks and marched on the Bejams store in Rickmansworth to ask why mums go there, having first strung up the half Welsh half Italian bloke from Stoke on the Harefield Hare monument by  the common. “And I’m supporting Murray at Wimbledon!” screamed Clive as he dangled “I’m half Scottish as well y’know!” 

Meanwhile following the expected resignation of hapless England manager Roy the Boy Hodgson, Harefield United legend, former player and stalwart Moulder Evans has thrown his hat into the ring. Our reporter caught up with him sitting outside the bakers in the sunshine this morning  and spoke to him about last night’s events. 

“When I said I’d thrown my hat into the ring that’s what I did. I didn’t apply for no job. I just threw my hat into the ring. I suppose you just want me to call someone fucking useless so you can put it in your paper!”  

“I’ll tell you what though” he went on “If I was the manager I’d make some changes. Oh yes! None of this state of the art bollocks, I’d have ’em training up at Taylor’s Meadow in the mud and snow, the lazy overpaid primadonnas. They’re fu…. nope, I’m not saying it!”  

Mr. Evans in his playing days at Taylor’s Meadow. 

Some gratuitous nudity for those who like that sort of thing.