Harefield’s pea farmers are set to exceed all expectations this summer with the largest pea crop ever. The Harefield Pea, or grande petit pois de Hareville to give it the correct title, is a totally organic, GM free vegetable that is considered a rare delicacy amongst haute cuisine afficionados. 

Chefs from the village’s top restaurants such as the Old Orchard and the Village Cafe have had their orders placed since way before the crops were sown back in the spring and each year they all eagerly join in a Beaujolais Nouveau type race to see who can get the peas cooked and on the table first. 

Last year’s winners, the Beer On The Barge, are keen to defend their title, won by serving a pea and wine casserole with pea pate on toast followed by pea sorbet washed down with jus de pea. Maitre ‘d Karl Heinz Doodlebug has promised Pea Surprise this year but declined to elaborate further, merely hinting at the hallucinogenic properties of peyote peas. 

Mr Ho Ho Ho, landlord of the Official Best Pub In The Village, the Harefield Inn, has ordered a lorry load of the peas for his micro brewery in the cellar and is expected to produce a batch of his usual IPA, Intoxicating Pea Ale, a refreshing light ale with a garden pea bouquet, a hint of English mustard and an abv of 7.5%. Pub regular Mr. Smudger promised to bring in a home made pea curry to accompany the first tasting of the brew. 

The Pea Farmers Collective are celebrating record profits that they plan to put towards a week in Benidorm at Christmas instead of ploughing the profits back into the business so to speak. Even dairy farmer and former Councillor Turncoat from Black Heart Farm has got in on the act, negotiating a deal with the cooperative to produce Pea Ice Cream and Pea Yoghurt. 

Our agricultural correspondent Ivor Haystack interviewed tractor driver Big Jessy who was spraying his Massey Ferguson with pea champale. “You all moaned about the stink when I was spreading shit all over the fields didn’t you? Who’s laughing now then? Me, that’s who! And the joke’s on you lot what eats ’em cos we only grows ’em as cow fodder!”

“Now I’m off to do some more crop circles!”



Big Jessy taking the peas.