Harefield’s anglers have appealed for justice after a foreigner won the All-Harefield Angling Competition at the weekend. Dave Dabchick, 39, a bricklayer from Mill End, was awarded first prize in the keenly contested annual event after landing a 140lb guppy on the Grand Union Canal. 

Runner up in the competition, village bobby PC Brigade was magnanimous in defeat and sought out Mr. Dabchick to congratulate him at the end, but was booed by other competitors for his sporting behaviour. According to the constable “I approached Mr. Dabchick in an orderly manner in order to offer him my congratulations when a bystander accused me of being one of the PC Brigade for wishing a foreigner well. I replied ‘what do you mean one of the PC brigade, I am PC Brigade, or Brian seeing as I’m off duty’. Sore losers , that’s what they are!”  

Harefield former champion angler Ben Trodd, 59, from the Furrows disagreed. “Cheating of the most nefarious kind, that’s what it was! For one thing, he isn’t from Harefield, another thing, he didn’t use a net to land it, he just jumped in the cut and clubbed it on the head with a bicycle pump and I heard he was using the wrong sort of bait. You’re supposed to use proper regulation maggots, not Mr. Robinson’s delicious pork and spinach sausages”. 

Dave Dabchick replied to these allegations “I don’t know what all the fuss is about. I wasn’t even taking part in any stupid competition, I was doing a bit of poaching whilst the bailiff was having a few beers in the Coy Crap and I was on the Hertfordshire side anyway so bollocks to them!”  

Competition judge Janice Anderton , 30, from Dumfries, told the Scandal “He won it fair and square anyway so up yer arse everybody!”

Dave Dabchick. He jumped in the water and clubbed it with a bicycle pump.