Onlookers were stunned yesterday as a mad farmer on a tractor run over a group of hippie protesters at the Harefield HS2 site on the Harvil Road. The beatniks were peacefully sitting cross-legged, smoking the legendary ‘Dovedale carrots ‘ and singing Kumbaya along to the Harefield Ukelele Orchestra who had joined the protest, when all hell broke loose.

Local farmer Giles Pyles from Cowpat Farm, New Years Green Lane, drove onto the site on his Massey Ferguson tractor, shouting “Get orf moi laaaaaand you bastard tree huggers! I’ll give you bleedin’ flower power!” before ploughing into the demonstrators, forcing them to jump into bushes fearing for their lives.

Policemen led by PC Brigade then entered the site brandishing truncheons and arrested the agitators, giving them a good thrashing with their batons whilst dragging them off to the Black Marias. The Scandal’s Farming Correspondent Ian Bred was first on the scene and interviewed PC Brigade. “Farmer Pyles was completely within his rights to break up the demonstration “ he informed the waiting media “Its the law. You can’t just go around protesting at things y’know! You have to respect the right of governments and farmers to fuck up the countryside “.

The mad farmer then joined the police officers for a nice cup of tea and added “I’m running a respectable farm here growing poppies for old Mr.Foo King Ada’s Triad from the Chinese takeaway in the village. I’ve taken a lovely big fat bribe from these HS2 folks to look the other way as they cut all my trees down and I’m not having these Peaceniks messing it all up for me!”

He was then joined by popular Harefield farmer Big Jessy who reiterated “You townies don’t understand our country ways. For generations we’ve farmed these fields, ripped foxes apart with hounds, killed all the bees with fertilisers and married our sisters. Now I’m off to do some crop circles before they make that illegal too!”

Sheep shagging redneck Farmer Giles Pyles.