A giant fish, caught in Hoveringham Lake, has raised Harefield’s hopes that HS2 may be delayed or better still re-routed past the Harefield Outdoor Activities Centre site. 

The fish is thought to be one of the last surviving specimens of Big Pollock, or Findus Giganticus. It was landed on Saturday afternoon by keen angler Ben Trodd, 41, a skateboard mechanic from The Furrows. After weighing and photographing the beast, he tagged it and released it back into the murky depths. 

“Cor, that was a big ‘un! You don’t get many of them to the pound! he exclaimed “At first I thought I’d be landing another shopping trolley, it put up so much of a struggle. I put it down to me bait. I always use Mr. Robinson’s goat sausages marinated in Old Bedwetter overnight “. 

It is hoped that the fish will be considered a protected species under EU Law. Professor Jamboree-Bagg from the Institute of Legal Mumbo Jumbo told the Scandal “Cor! That’s a big ‘un! You don’t get many of them to the pound! That should stop a train on its own! Although I don’t know how we stand under EU Law now with all this legal mumbo jumbo”. 

It is understood that the Anti-HS2 Rural Guerillas have been in touch with Cornelius Carp, 57, a marine biologist from Pond Close who has agreed to work on the case gratis. Spokesperson for the group, Felicity Comfortable-Shoes, 47, from Sargeant Carter Close on the Sweeney Estate told the Scandal “If we can prove the fish to be a rare protected species we stand a very good chance of at least halting the construction work. If we can persuade it to breed then who knows? Failing that we can always catch George the Giant Crocodile  from Black Jacks Lock and put him in the lake. If that doesn’t do the trick at least he will kill and eat a few construction workers!”  

Hurrah for George!