The village of Harefield! in Middlesexshire has been awarded an exclamation mark in the Queen’s ninetieth birthday honours list. The privilege was granted by the Palace along with a knighthood for popular Harefieldian family entertainers Sir Russell Grant and Frank Ifield impersonator Sir Colin Silver. 

A spokesman for the Palace announced on Saturday night “The exclamation mark has been awarded to Harefield! for its recent feelgood factor after the Disney Day and we had a couple of knighthoods left over after Ant and Dec were downgraded to OBEs because we were worried the Queen wouldn’t be able to understand a bloody word they said”. 

The news has been well received around Harefield! The Lord Mayor of Harefield! Baron Londis was well chuffed “It’s good to see a few more villagers recognised in the honours system along with myself, Lord Dovedale and Duchess Julie. The exclamation mark is a nice touch too. It lends a bit of dignity to Harefield!”  

Mrs. Mandy Rice-Pudding, leader of the Harefield! Angry Brigade pressure group said ” I think it’s a good thing for the village but I expect they’ll still find something to moan about on the Harefield! Up Your Arse Facebook page”. 

Mr. Smudger from round Ash Grove told the Scandal “I gave the old Duke a secret handshake at the last lodge meeting. I think that tipped it our way. That should put me in good stead with Mrs. Fudgecakes next door”. 

Not all were happy about the announcement. A satirical author from the exclusive Dovedale Estate spoke to our reporter “Today’s modern society should hold no place for an outdated honours system that only serves to reinforce an unfair class structure. Having said that, I wish I’d thought of it for one of my stories”. 

The Harefield! and District Rural Council have decreed a day off for all villagers when a new road sign with the exclamation mark is to be unveiled by a guest celebrity, hopefully an England footballer after winning the Euro 2016 Championship. Or failing that, Bobby Davro. 

In other news Westward Ho is to be stripped of its own exclamation mark for being a boring shithole in the arse end of nowhere. 

A poorly photoshopped artist’s impression of a new road sign.