Thousands of villagers turned out in their hundreds yesterday to celebrate the first Annual Harefield Pride. Members of the LGBT&GWU community, the Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transport and General Workers Union kicked off the day by taking to the streets for the Grand Moustache Parade. 

The festivities began after speeches on the common from leading Harefield politicians. Unelected Mayor Stella Stiletto was roundly booed after proclaiming “I am very clear that gays in strong and stable relationships will always be tolerated in Harefield ” whilst Leader of the Opposition Mr. Smudger from CLOT, the Campaign for Longer Opening Times received a standing ovation for his address that “Celebrated the diversity of Harefield society, from the first gay hobbits who settled in Mount Pleasant back in the 1700s to the present day where nobody is disputed for claiming to be the only gay in the village ” before finishing with an outrageous knob gag and proclaiming “Ich bin ein Village People!”

In the evening the Harefield Amateur Dramatics Society put on a country and western musical of Brokeback Mountain in the Church Hall, with the sound track ably performed by Harefield’s premier gay boy band, Take That Kate! 

The village’s pubs were keen to get involved. The clientele of the Harefield Inn, a bunch of manly men with beards who play darts and drink real ale, danced the night away to the sounds of Queen tribute act Right Said Freddie and the Kings Arms got into the spirit, holding a best drag queen competition, the winner receiving a first prize of a total makeover in the Village Salon and a year’s supply of Babycham. 

At the Cricket Club Charity Event the First Eleven were soundly thrashed by a Lord Taverners Gay S&M Eleven before losing at Cricket to them also. Umpire Moulder Evans told our sports reporter Owen Goal “I do love hearing the thwack of leather on willow. And on bare bottoms too”. 

Event organiser Felicity Comfortable-Shoes from We ‘Aven’t ‘Ad Our Dinner Close on the Sweeney Estate told the Scandal “This year’s Harefield Pride has been a total success and we’re anticipating it becoming an annual event. Now we’re all looking forward to the Harefield Defence League March next Saturday where everyone can get together, be they gay or straight, hobbit or human, whatever colour, creed or sexuality, and tell all them dabchicks to piss off back to Mill End!”

Mr. Smudger, second from left. “Ich bin ein Village People”