The Middlesex village of Harefield is investigating the feasibility of bidding to host the British Grand Prix in 2017. Formula One supremo Ernie Ecclescake has indicated he would look favourably on a British street circuit to rival Monaco, replacing the tired and old fashioned Silverstone. 

Harefield is well known for its fast roads and is a popular cut through in the mornings for drivers attempting to avoid the M25 jams. The Harefield and District Rural Council are currently running a traffic survey with speed sensors across the major roads to determine how fast traffic can move through the village. 

If the potential for high speed racing is proven then the bid stands a very high chance of succeeding. Boy racers in hot hatches with noisy exhausts and loud music systems have been engaged to carry out test runs on what would be the race lap to determine the maximum possible velocity. 

Details have been released by the Harefield Privy Council of the route the race is expected to take. 

The start and finish line would be opposite Merle Haggard Avenue by the Harefield Inn. The podium would be in the pub beer garden by the bus stop. The cars would then go down Church Hill, slowing through the speed cameras, round the roundabout by the bottom shops, back up the hill again through the speed cameras, through the High Street and along the Ricky Road past the grandstand in Taylor’s Meadow. Down and up the two hills, taking the sharp right hand bend at Rose and Crown Corner and along Shrubs Lane with another sharp right at Shrubs Corner. Then a fast downhill straight along the Northwood Road before hitting the Shepherds Hill bend. The cars can either then carry straight on into the pit lane for a tyre change at Prestons Garage or follow the circuit right into Northwood Way past the Academy for Gifted Children, through the bends in Newdigate Road and the grandstand on Newdigate Green then left back onto the Ricky Road, through the High Street and back at the start finish line. 

Lord Cameltoe of Bell End has offered to head the Bid Committee and the Costcutters Shop in the High Street have already shown an interest in sponsoring the event. Mayor of Harefield Baron Londis told the Scandal “After hosting a successful Eurovision Song Contest we have shown that this village is more than capable of hosting major international events. If we can possibly pull this one off then we can look at bidding for the next Commonwealth Games. That would show those Denham fuckers!”  

The podium would be in the Harefield Inn beer garden next to the bus stop.