Harefield has been chosen as the venue for this year’s Eurovision Song Contest. The Harefield Ex Servicemans Royal British Legion Club will host the stellar international event after winning the bid despite stiff opposition from Dublin, Cannes and Benidorm. The popular village members’ club, known locally as the Batley Variety Club of the South, is used to organising prestigious events. Recent successes include Myleash’s Halloween Disco, an Evening With Colin Silver featuring the Frank Ifield Story and Midlands based pop combo My Girl Shirl’s comeback concert. 

The Mayor of Harefield Baron Londis enthused “This is just what Harefield needs to put us on the world stage. There’s been too much negativity lately, what with the poor form of the village football team and the swans deserting the pond. This will bring back the feelgood factor to the community that has been sadly lacking since the Spotted Dalmation shut”. The bar steward of the Legion, Alf Price, concurred . “Yeah”. He said. 

Unfortunately well-known TV personality Terry Wigan is unavailable to compère the competition this year but the organisers are hoping to attract a local celebrity such as Sue Cook or darts legend Peter Evison. 

All credit must go to the hard working club committee who secured the event by canvassing support, networking amongst the all powerful Eurovision bigwigs and sheer bribery. The club chairman Tommy Taylor-Wimpey told the Scandal “The Football Club and the Cricket Club can stick this up their arses!”  

However opinion is divided around the village. Harefield’s gay community have already bought up all of the available tickets from The Harvil Road Post Office’s Ticket Tout Agency whilst local pessimist Barry Mack told our reporter “It’ll be a load of shit. Some bird with a beard will probably win it again”. 

  
Cheers! Tommy Taylor-Wimpy celebrates with a pint of mild.