In an historic referendum yesterday the citizens of Harefield voted to secure their borders with Denham. Despite the appalling weather the electorate braved the rain and floods to exercise their democratic right and turned out in their hundreds. 

With an eighty two percent turnout, a narrow margin of fifty one percent voted yes to complete Harefield independence as opposed to the forty nine percent who wanted an open border policy. 

Nigel Garage from the South Harefield Out Treaty (SHOT) told the Scandal “This is a great result for democracy! No longer will we have the great unwashed of Denham flooding over our borders, walking their flea bitten dogs, driving their old bangers on our roads and ogling our naked witches. Enough is enough!”  

Others were less convinced. Jeremy Corduroy-Jacket from the South Harefield In Treaty (SHIT) was frankly quite appalled. “I’m frankly quite appalled” he ranted. “This is a victory for narrow minded bigots, xenophobes, racists and ill-informed little Harefieldians ! We support free trade with Denham. There are no pubs left now over the border so our publicans should be making a killing but with the average Denham pisshead needing a passport for the Beer On The Barge our pub trades will suffer!”  

Our reporter spoke to a hod carrier from Denham, Dave Dabchick, who complained “Eez not fair innit? Me working cash in hand for Billy Brickie on building site and now me can’t cross Moorhall Bridge. Now me gotta go long way round sneak up Springwell Lane. Jesus Crikey!”  

News Just In! 

Mayor of Harefield Baron Londis has resigned over the Referendum result. In an interview with Harefield Hospital Radio DJ Ray Pond on the Costcutter Breakfast Show he announced “I’ve had it with you people. You make me fucking sick. You don’t know what you want, all you do is moan. What time do we go on the air Ray?”

Meanwhile in other news, turkeys on Harefield’s farms have voted overwhelmingly in favour of Christmas.