Harefield’s famous coven of witches have created a COVID-19 vaccine to rival Astra Vauxhall and Tizer Viagra. The old hags, who meet on top of Mount Harefield by the sacred stones in their bare trollies every Tuesday night at seven o’clock, have spent the last few weeks brewing the concoction in their notorious cauldron.

The vaccine has been approved by the General Medical Council of Witches and is expected to roll out next week. Villagers will be called to the Legion car park behind the Church Hall to receive their jabs. Side effects include hallucinations, shape shifting and a sore bottom

Chief of Magick the Good Witch Granny Mango told the Scandal “Our vaccination only uses natural ingredients unlike other manufactured rivals that include things like, oh, I dunno, lead, mercury, baby’s belly button fluff and arsenic and old lace. Oh no, we use vegan products such as Rice Crispies, Old Bedwetter Cider, tadpoles, eye of beak, frog of crow, little boy’s nipples and a healthy dose of good old monosodium glutamate”.

“Yep” she droned on, “It’s all a load of bollocks anyway. It’s just a scamdemic, the official vaccines are really for Bill Gates to control your brains. His plan is to turn us all into robots with artificial intelligence so that the lizard people can rule over people kind”.

“Not me though, come to the Church Hall car park, receive our jab and we’ll turn you all into bats. Er, I mean, you’ll live happily ever after if you don’t eat the poison side of the apple”.