Beleaguered Harefield United manager Big Jason (above) has been caught in a sting operation by a Harefield Scandal reporter posing as a Sunday League manager from Harefield Saints. The Hares currently sit thirteenth in Division One of the South Midlands Stoby Fish and Chips League and are out of all cup competitions already. 

Our reporter offered Jason Argonaut the loan of players already registered to the Sunday club whilst they are suspended due to disciplinary action. Big Jason reportedly claimed this would be no problem if it were to be arranged through a third party. 

“See what you do is get the darts captain to sign the release forms then if it all goes tits up just deny all knowledge of it” he advised our reporter, known by the pseudonym the Harefield Raider. He then offered to ‘make it worth your while’ by buying everyone ‘a couple of pints’. 

When asked if this was a misappropriation of club funds he gave the explanation “Nah, they’ve got more money than sense. Look how much they spent in the summer filling in that hole in the concrete where Jamie Paraffin tripped over last year! And they put a bit of plywood over that hole in the floor of the gents bogs where Vinny Fonzarelli fell through. They can afford a couple of pints believe you me”. 

He then went on to make fun of the club officials. “That Lord Dovedale, he’s a right wanker. As long as there’s coffee in the boardroom he’s happy. And Moulder Evans? He’s fucking useless I tell you!”  

At this point our reporter made his excuses and left. 

Rumours continue to circulate about corruption in other local clubs including West Hyde Wanderers, Harefield United under 7s and women’s side South Harefield Haridans. The Scandal contacted President of the Middlesex FA, Sir Cecil Handlebar-Moustache but he just replied “Move along now, nothing to see here dontcha know! How’s that wanker Lord Dovedale?”  

Moulder Evans. Fuckin’ useless. 

Sir Cecil Handlebar-Moustache ‘Nothing to see here’