A hero local councillor saved Harefield Village from certain destruction yesterday by defusing a World War One Nazi bomb that was discovered in the allotments down Dovedale.

Allotmenteer Percy Pickles was propagating his plot when his spade struck metal. Thinking it was probably the Morris Minor he buried in an insurance scam back in 1962 he decided to dig it back up as the insurance company had quite likely forgotten about it by now. He realised it was a WW1 bomb when he saw the slogan ‘Up yours Tommy’ painted on the side of the missile.

The West Hyde and District Bomb Squad was contacted but they were already on a shout with a discarded party popper in the water cress beds. Local Bobby PC Brigade closed off the area and local gossips posted conspiracy theories on the popular Facebook group Harefield Up Your Arse.

A local councillor who doesn’t wish to be named broke off from her walk in surgery at the library and rushed to the scene to assist. “Aha!She reportedly said, “A Mark II Doodlebug. I’ll fix that in a jiffy! Councillor Pygmallion and I used to defuse these all the time when they were building the Civic Centre “.

Once the device was made safe allotmenteers broke out the sparkling sprout wine to celebrate and the councillor said “Just another day in the life of a civil servant who cares for her community. I’m off to the common now to throw eggs at passing cars. I might as well, I get the blame for every fucking thing else!”