Harefield High Street has recently been designated as a UNESCO World Heritage Site due to the large puddle by the Church Hall. The artificial lagoon has become home to several rare breeds of migratory birds, including the seldom seen Blue Cock Thrush, or turdus solitarius itchicus. 

Many residents have complained to the Harefield Rural District Council that the flooding is impeding villagers from going about their normal business. Cyclist Bunty Saddlebags moaned ‘Try cycling wearing wellies, that’s all I’ll say. I got a booty riding from the Post Office to the bike shop to buy a new inner tube only to find out Ivor J Clarkes closed several decades ago!’ Pensioner Chopper Harris grumbled ‘I rode on my mobility scooter through the puddle to put my bet on at Bill the Bookies and got attacked by a duck!’

Harefield’s shopkeepers aren’t too happy either. The Duchess of Harefield from Acorn Antiquities wailed ‘My antiques! My precious priceless irreplaceable antiques! All ruined! I’ll have to get another load of old tat out of the lock up now. There’ll be a big insurance claim here I can tell you!’ Dave Goggleson, managing director of Magoo’s Opticians protested ‘The situation is utterly ridiculous! I’m having to throw lifebelts out to my customers now and do the council want to know? Do they bollocks!’

Even Harefield’s indigenous wildlife are furious about the new lake. Wayne Harris, a mallard who lives on the pond, told the Scandal ‘Taking the piss innit? You try to scratch a living by entertaining the tourists then some jumped up posh birds wiv Latin names come over ‘ere nicking our jobs! We need to take control back. British bread for British ducks! I’m voting UKWAK next time!’

Many theories abound as to how the flooding originated in the High Street. Jimmy Parsons, mild mannered crime reporter for the Daily Planet, reckoned ‘The drains are blocked with stolen mopeds. Then, when the fire brigade put out that blaze at the Legion, all the water backed up, causing this hazard to innocent citizens’ He added darkly’ As my alter ego superhero Chip Shop Man I patrol Harefield’s streets by night, throwing buckets of piss over tramps and I see things that would make you wet the bed. Still, don’t forget that policemen are only human so give them a cuddle and a cuppa tea. Keep ’em peeled and don’t have nightmares!’

The Scandal contacted Councillor Pygmalion at Tory headquarters in South Oxhey to enquire as to what he intended to do about it. He replied ‘Harefield? ……..Harefield. Hmmm……. ah yes that dump the other side of Northwood. Never been there y’know, have a pretty young gel looks after things for me there. Now bugger orf, I’m going  hunting to shoot some peasants!’

A Blue Cock Thrush.