Workers from HS2 have commenced digging up Harefield Common. A spokesperson told the Scandal “Harefield has too many open green spaces. We have obliterated South Harefield and now we are coming for the rest of the village. Once the green is stripped of trees and grass we are planning to move onto Newdigate Green and Taylor’s Meadow”.

A protest camp has been established by the swings. Hippy Leader Marshy said “I’ve dug myself into a tunnel by the kiddies’ slide. I have enough food water and weed to last me a fortnight. Vegetable rights and peace maan!”

Len Spruce from the Keep Harefield Tidy group concurred. “Bastard HS2! At least we won’t have to litter pick the common any more although now the pubs are open again yobbos are throwing Budweiser bottles in the pond like there’s no tomorrow “.

Local hobbit, Bilbo Boggins, landlord of the Inn On The Green complained “They’re literally digging up our beer garden. Still as long as we can still sit on the bench and drink cans of Stella all day I don’t suppose it matters. Dunno where we can go for a piss though “.

Mallard Wayne Harris, a duck who lives on the pond added “ This used to be a nice place to live. Plenty of bread from the tourists, sunshine and no trouble from the nudist beach. Now there’s Don’t Feed The Ducks signs everywhere, the weather is shite and that fucking heron keeps eating me kids. I’ve tried to get a council exchange to a nest on Hoveringham Lake but they’re building a bleeding viaduct across the middle of that!”

Bastard HS2