HS2 contractors have begun work on concreting over the village pond. The adjoining roads, Breakspear Road North, Northwood Road, Rickmansworth Road and Vernon Drive, are expected to be closed for at least six months though operations should be over within a fortnight and will all take place within the compound on the common.

Although the pond is nowhere near the proposed train route, the works are in line with HS2’s policy of destroying all indigenous wildlife in a five mile wide corridor between Euston and Birmingham.

Swampy McSwampface, leader of the HS2 protesters from the peace camp on Harvil Road told the Scandal “You just watch, it’ll take years for all the ducks in the pond to get their compensation for losing their homes!” whilst Gordon Grimm-Fairytale from the Anti-HS2 Protestors Protestors fumed “Just who do they think they are these hippies camping along the side of the road protesting on our behalf. We’ve had enough of this nanny state! Sugar tax my arse!”

Wayne Harris, a mallard who lives on the pond claimed ” I couldn’t care less me. I’ve been promised a nice little bungalow on Hoveringham Lake” whilst the Mayor of Harefield Mr Smudger from round Ash Grove, who came to power in a continuity error last year admitted “It’s just as well they’re concreting it over, I kept driving into the bloody thing when I was pissed!”