Hundreds of Harefieldians have joined a keep fit class on a South Harefield park. The twice daily sessions, led by personal trainer Alan Apollo from Get U Fit (Harefield) Ltd.have proved to be so popular amongst villagers that the company are planning to expand their operations onto the village green up the hill. Hi-tech companies such as Tupperware from the Widewater Business Park nearby have started sending their employees to the classes in the hope that following the Japanese business model of taking part in physical exercise before work would be reflected by an increase of company productivity.  Typist Sarah Pickles, 29, told our reporter ‘I used to be a big fat couch potato. My only exercise was walking to the fridge but now I’m a real human dynamo. I’ve only been going since February and I’ve lost four stones already. Unfortunately my boyfriend is a chubby chaser so he left me. He used to like to slap me on the arse and ride in on the waves’. Alan Apollo, a former Mr. Universe, started the classes before Christmas to encourage people to start the New Year right. ‘When we began it was only three or four of us but with no advertising apart from word of mouth there are now hundreds taking part daily’ he informed us. 

We phoned Slimming World at the Cricket Club to ask if the Keep Fit Club had affected their attendances but a woman who didn’t wish to be identified answered the phone and sobbed ‘There’s just no fucking point anymore’. 

This newspaper is always pleased to report on a success story in a magical village where miracles are commonplace and the impossible is achievable. We’ll leave the last word to Reg Slug, 41, from Hinkley Close. “Get down here and join us you lazy bastards!” he cried “Wassa matter wiv ya?”  

  
Instructor Alan Apollo.