Vindictor the Vulture who absconded from Sarratt Zoo last Saturday, was recaptured yesterday afternoon after being spotted on a Harefield CCTV camera that was installed for looking into ladies’ bedrooms. 

There had been several sightings of the vulture over the weekend around the Sarratt Treacle Mines area, where migrant Chipperfield goblin miners are often worked to exhaustion, a favoured food source for large birds of prey. 

After rumours were heard that the bird had later been seen over Croxley Green, it was assumed that Vindictor was heading for Mill End to the notorious kebab famine pits. It was with some surprise then that reports started to come in of it being seen round Ash Grove. 

CCTV operator Peter Perving noticed the vulture when it was blocking his view into the bedroom of Mrs. Wanda Wanton who lives next door to the park round Ash Grove. With Mrs. Wanton being well known for getting her kit off while her husband Willy Wanton is working nights, the camera, supposedly overlooking the park in case of vandalism to council property, is a popular one to be monitored by surveillance officers. 

With rising crime rates in Harefield, villagers have been campaigning for some time to have more surveillance cameras installed but Nora Nimby from the Harefield Civil Liberties Group told the Scandal “With all the hobbit on hobbit crime, the monkeys doing wheelies on motorbikes and the Killer Clowns, we obviously need more cameras, just not round here where people can see things. It’s like the youth club. We all know we need one, we just don’t want one!”  

Mrs Wanton told our reporter “Silly cow, I quite like the camera there, I like to feel someone is watching over me when  I’m doing my house work in the nude while my husband is on nights. I’m so lonely!”

The vulture was eventually recaptured by members of the Its All About Ash Grove Action Group who tempted him down from his perch on Mrs Wanton’s window sill by throwing dead hobbits into her front garden. He has now been repatriated to Sarratt Zoo where he will resume his normal habits of swooping down on small children and scaring the shit out of them.