Katie Hopkins is to turn on the Christmas lights in Harefield High Street and on the village green. The odious TV personality who writes a column of vile bigoted spiteful hatred in the Daily Shite, agreed to perform the ceremony after being approached by unelected mayor of Harefield Stella Stiletto. 

The giant Christmas tree that stands on Harefield Common is an annual gift from the people of Australia as a thank you for all the convicts the village sent to the colony in the 1950s. 

Harefield has a long tradition of getting local celebrities to switch on the festive illuminations and Hopkins, who recently moved into a ten bedroom mansion In Vernon Drive, seemed perfect to fit the bill in a rotten year that has seen so many  much loved national treasures pass away, leaving us with only the crappy ones remaining. 

Recent personalities who graced us with their presence include our very own Russell Grant, Elton John, Ricky G from boy band Take That Kate! and Barry Scott from the Cillit Bang adverts. 

In readiness for the event the Cost Cutter shop has promised to get in a plentiful supply of fresh rotten fruit to chuck at the horrid old bag and the Springwell Lock Morris Dancers are preparing a ducking stool by the pond for afterwards. 

Hopkins is confident of a good reception by the villagers however and has promised if she is booed to ‘Streak along the High Street naked with one of Mr. Robinson’s pork and marmite sausages up my arse!’ Harefieldian in exile Janice Anniseed, 30, from John O’Groats phoned into the Harefield Hospital  Radio Costcutter Breakfast  Show to comment  “Pah! It’s been done before!”