A large number of Killer Clowns moved into the park on the Gilbert O’Sullivan estate late on Saturday afternoon. Approximately thirty Clowns all piled out of a tiny multi-coloured car and started erecting banners emblazoned with the slogans ‘Killer Clowns For Peace!’ and ‘Clown Power!. One of them then produced a little ukelele and they started singing protest songs such as The Wheels On The Bus and The Runaway Train. 

In an effort to gain local support one of the Clowns bought a load of penny sweets from Rameshes Revenge and All Nite Convenience Store and doled them out to small children who had gone along to watch, mistakenly believing that the Circus had returned to the common and this was just a sick publicity stunt. 

The Scandal sent along our current affairs reporter, Jenny Talia, to discover what the protest was all about and she spoke to the Clown’s leader Krappy the Klown. “We want to bring awareness of some of the problems that Harefield villagers face ” he explained. “Harefield people are a quiet uncomplaining bunch but they need a voice as nobody seems to be prepared to speak up for them.  Did you know for example that the council are planning to build a youth club round Ash Grove? No, I thought not. The village is plagued by monkeys doing wheelies on motorbikes in the High Street but no one ever says a word. All you read about on the Facebook page Harefield Up Your Arse  is nature walks this and beautiful countryside that. People bang on about Mr. Robinson’s marvellous pork and lavender sausages and what wonderful work the hospital does but nobody mentions the pay and display car park off the Higb Street or the noisy roadworks on Harvil Road!” He then squirted her with water from a plastic button hole flower and went on. 

“Our aim is to stay here in this beautiful park until we see some action from Councillor Pygmalion regarding these issues. Through our protests we aim to bring an end to all problems from the villagers’ daily lives. That and to make small children shit themselves!”  

Krappy the Klown. ‘We aim to make small children shit themselves ‘