The Harefield Constabulary were called out to Mount Harefield early this morning when an outbreak of indecent exposure was reported by a member of the public. Local dog walker Betty Hooser-Goodboy had been taking her Dobermooddlesation Cuddles for a stroll over the popular beauty spot and dogging site when she encountered several naked people emerging through the mist just before daybreak. 

Fearing she had stumbled upon a flashers’ convention she called the police and PC Brigade dispatched himself to the scene post haste. She then threw a stick into the middle of the crowd of nudists for Cuddles to fetch. 

PC Brigade arrived to discover ancient Harefield wizard Hairspring conducting a summer solstice ceremony with the naked members of the Merle Avenue Druids and the Haridans of Ash Grove (MADHAGs). Hairspring was standing astride the magical stones striking his staff upon the ground and chanting “Solargreetus mightyrah bringmesunshine inyoursmile comeonyouhares!”  and the assembled congregation were replying “Omigosh Omigosh!”  

Cuddles had mistaken Hairspring’s staff for the stick his mistress had thrown and was trying to wrestle it from the ancient’s grasp. All hell broke loose with the naked revellers dancing in their bare trollies as the sun rose over the stones , Hairspring chasing after the dog who had stolen his staff and PC Brigade haplessly blowing his whistle and shouting “Stop it! You’re all under arrest!”  

As reports of mass nudism circulated over the police radio more officers arrived although PC Brigade had evidently gone missing. A police photographer started snapping away until the Good Witch Mango turned him into a no parking bollard. A flash crowd of hippies appeared to join in with the solstice celebrations and the Harefield Ukelele Orchestra, who were supposed to be playing the post ceremony gig, began to play Give Peace A Chance and The Okey Cokey. 

Once the music started everyone calmed down and began to enjoy the beautiful Harefield sunrise. Hippies and policemen linked arms and danced, the witches lit fires and pranced around the flames, the Druids played air ukelele and Hairspring disappeared behind one of the mystical stones with a large breasted hippy chick. 

And a tiny voice that sounded a little like PC Brigade croaked “Can someone change me back please? I don’t like being a frog!”