Harefield’s old folk have confirmed that the nights are drawing in now it’s October. At a meeting of village elders outside the Post Office at six o’clock this morning whilst waiting for the morning papers to arrive it was agreed that ‘It’s getting dark early now’ and ‘It’s a bit chilly in the mornings ‘. 

Captain Manucci from the Harefield Home Guard controversially forecast that ‘It’ll soon be Christmas’ about which the consensus was that ‘It has become too commercialised nowadays’ and ‘It’s getting so expensive ‘. Private Evans added ‘I can’t afford to put my heating on’ to which The Bloke Who Walks Backwards Along Harvil Road retorted ‘You should give up smoking them Woodbines then’ 

‘I don’t mind the cold, it’s the rain I can’t stand ‘ said Old Pete from the allotments ‘If it’s too mild the slugs get at yer taters’       ‘ You need a good frost, that’s what you want’ answered Lord Dovedale ‘Not too much mind, just enough to kill off all the germs’. 

‘I see the Hares lost again’ remarked The Bloke Who Walks Backwards Along Harvil Road, browsing the web on his iPhone 6S, you know, the one with 3D Touch. ‘I dunno how you use them things’ replied Old Pete ‘I can’t even send a text message. My grandkids have to work my video when I want to tape one of them dirty films on Channel 4’ 

Just then Betty Hooser-Goodboy sauntered past, out early walking her dog Derek. ‘Cor, look at the blue rinse on that!’ muttered Terry the barber. ‘I know’ agreed Private Evans ‘Them fingerless mittens do something for me’. ‘She can draw my pension anytime ‘ added Captain Manucci   

‘Oi oi darlin’!’ shouted Old Pete ‘Get yer ‘ands around me dibber!’  ‘Jog on!’ exclaimed Betty ‘I wouldn’t touch yours if you were the last man standing in strip whist!’