Harefield’s incognito Councillor, Mr. George Bernard Pygmalion, was tasered by police officers last night as he attempted to enter the Harefield Reading Rooms for an emergency council debate about dog poo on our streets. 

The Scandal understands that the purpose of the meeting was to decide whether to proceed with the unpopular plan to build a Youth Club round Ash Grove or the spend the money on building a state of the art secret laboratory on the same site where scientists could test the DNA of dog crap and match it to the guilty dogs who shit all over the village’s pavements and parks. 

Councillor Pygmalion apparently tried to enter the building but was challenged by officers who didn’t recognise him. Sergeant Nabham and WPC Loosedrawers were on guard duty at the time, checking the identities of all those wanting to gain access to the building in order to keep out the sort of scurrilous journalists who publish fake news. 

WPC Loosedrawers was heard to call out ‘Halt who goes there?’ to which Pygmalion replied ‘Don’t you know who I am?’ ‘I’ve never seen you before in my life!’ interjected Sergeant Nabham before warning him to produce ID or be tasered. When the councillor ignored these instructions and continued walking towards the entrance Sergeant Nabham was heard to shout ‘ZAP HIM LOOSEDRAWERS!’ to which the WPC immediately applied her instrument of torture and tasered the errant mystery man. 

In true Harefield fashion, rumours began to circulate about the incident. ‘I heard they shot a terrorist ‘ claimed local gossip Maureen Horley, 75, retired dominatrix from Cumberland Cottages. ‘No, I heard Len the librarian went mad and shot out the surveillance cameras outside the school’ insisted Sally Fudgecakes, 50, widow, from round Ash Grove. ‘I think they caught the illegal immigrant what burned down the Legion’ said a Mr. Garage, 61, radio presenter from Thornley Manor ‘We must control our borders’. ‘You’re all wrong, it was an alien abduction ‘ claimed Barry Tinfoil-Nutjob, 37, a conspiracy theorist from the Gilbert O’Sullivan Estate ‘You can tell an alien, they have a grease nipple instead of a belly button ‘

It wasn’t long before an angry mob brandishing pitchforks and flaming torches began to assemble on the common and marched on the town hall demanding the liberation of all political prisoners and the abolition of beer tax on Old Bedwetter Ale. 

Our reporter phoned Conservative Head Office in South Oxhey to ask for a statement but spokesperson Lord Snooty, who asked to remain anonymous asked ‘Who? Pygmalion you say? Never heard of him. Wasn’t that the Cypriot from Greek mythology who fell in love with a statue he carved? Or that one of our lot who got caught doing unspeakable things to dead pigs? Anyway, bugger orf you oik or I’ll get you tasered too!’

Councillor Pygmalion ‘Don’t you know who I am?’