Several dangerous prisoners escaped from a prison barge that ran aground in Park Lane. The convicts, who are not thought to be dangerous, absconded when the barge transporting them from Aylesbury Jail to the Assizes at Uxbridge Courthouse to appear before Judge Carter accidentally lost its way in the floods by the Coy Crap and turned left,  sailing past the landslide at Barrington Drive before getting stuck in the shallow bit by Mount Pleasant.

The escaped men are believed to be members of the notorious Turkey Fondling Gang from Ickenham and are believed to be hiding out in Ruislip Woods. Members of the public are warned not to approach them, but if spotted to report their whereabouts to the police. 

PC Brigade from the Harefield Constabulary issued this statement. “Members of the dogging community should take care and be on the lookout in Bayhurst Woods for anyone acting suspiciously. All parked cars with steamed up windows should be checked out as the criminals could be hiding inside. The men are harmless but do not take any risks. If you see anything suspicious then video it and post it on HarefieldDoggingWatch.com where I wil have a look. Or call me on 999 and ask for Brian. That’s 999 and ask for me, Brian.  Keep ’em peeled and don’t have nightmares “. 

Harefield Turkey Farmer Ivor Parsons-Nose has offered a reward for the recapture of the villains. “We can’t afford to have no perverts fondling our turkeys at this time of year especially. Turkeys are for Christmas, not for fondling ” he told the Scandal “There’s one hundred gold doubloons in it for whoever takes ’em dead or alive and brings ’em ‘ere. And a gold guinea bounty for any dirty dogging videos!” 

The Turkey Fondling Gang escape across the common.