Harefield youngsters were mistakenly blamed for Halloween mayhem and carnage last night as a gang of real ghosts and ghoulies from the afterlife went on the rampage around the village. 

Irate villagers took to the popular Facebook page Harefield Up Your Arse to vent their fury, believing the local children to be responsible for the devastation and destruction. Roxy Beaujolais, 87, from the Rylstone Home for Retired Prostitutes posted ‘Kids today have no respect. They knocked on my mum’s door and when she wouldn’t give them any sweets they demolished her conservatory!’

Local gossip Linda Golightly, 42, from Vernon Drive added ‘ Its discusting such savage behavyor. They’re parents shoul of known were there kids are’ 

Night club bouncer Mick Mental, 39, from down Broadwater Gardens threatened ‘They come down ‘ere I’ll knock their effing blocks off! Effing little bleeders, I’ll give them trick or effing treat!’  

Some mothers leapt to the childrens’ defence on the HarefieldMumsnet.com website. User CherylSweetTits95 posted ‘Its not always the children’s fault. My Britney’s dad said he’d take her trick or treating but he didn’t come cos he says he hadn’t got any money and he hasn’t paid his maintenance but he bort his new bird a X Box One S an she’s on benefits an she’s a mobile hairdresser what gives extras ‘. 

Phil Spectre, 415, a ghost from St. Mary’s graveyard spoke to the famous DJ Ray Pond on the Harefield Hospital Radio Londis Phone In Show. He said ‘Its all the fault of them witches round Ash Grove. There I was enjoying a nice two hundred year nap since the last time I was summoned and all of a sudden there’s these witches dancing in their bare trollies chanting for us undead to rise and cause mischief round the village. I mean how would you feel if you was asleep and some naked old bird started dancing on your grave?  You be pretty pissed off I can tell you!’

‘Still it took your mind off them Killer Clowns for a bit!’