The Scandal has learned exclusively from an insider at Buckingham Palace that the Royal baby is to be named after a Harefield road. Prince Dovedale Albert Arthur Arbuthnot Moulder Mountbatten Cambridge’s first name is in honour of the exclusive upmarket Dovedale Estate where he was conceived. His parents the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have a holiday cottage on the select enclave and were well known for their wild swingers parties there last summer. It is not clear why the Royal prince has Moulder as his fifth name but it is understood that Prince William used to pass out early at these orgies after first consuming the whole litre of vodka before playing Spin the Bottle.

The Scandal’s Royal Correspondent Jenny Moneypenny says “One understands that the Royal child will be known as Prince Albert. It has a certain ring to it”.

Police Identify Mystery Prowler.

Harefield Police have been inundated with calls from worried villagers concerned about a mystery man who has been reportedly prowling Harefield housing estates and banging on doors.

Mrs Mango, 36, a white witch from Alone Again Naturally Avenue on the Gilbert O’Sullivan estate, rang the Scandal to say “It’s the Nottingham Knockers! They come from Nottingham, knock on your door then run away and hide back in Nottingham. The police should do something about it”. We contacted the Harefield Constabulary and PC Backhander told us “Nothing to see here folks, move along. It’s only Councillor Pygmalion canvassing for the local elections. Don’t worry, even if he does get re-elected he won’t bother you again for another five years”.

A Mrs. Tina Turnoff, 28, from Dedly Grove confirmed this. “I answered the door and he said he was canvassing for the Nasty Party. I gave him my baby to kiss and he bit it!” (God bless you Monty Python).

Russians To Blame For Potholes.

In the run up to the local elections the ruling Nasty Party have blamed the Russians for the large potholes that have been appearing in Harefield roads. Unelected Mayor Stella Stiletto told the Scandal “Everything was perfect in our rural Utopia until election time and now the Russians have made these potholes to undermine our campaign “. Mr. Smudger from the opposition party CLOT, the Campaign for Longer Opening Times replied “That’s bollocks. It’s just underfunding by the Nasties. Nah, poisoning is more the Russians’ style. They tried to nobble me. I had fourteen pints of Old Bedwetter in the Kings Arms, went for a ruby in the Bombay Curry Garden and when I woke up the next day I’d been poisoned! I blame the potholes on Tory cuts. ‘Ere, make sure you spell that right!”

Police Seeking Pervert Artist.

Harefield Police are trying to establish the identity of a pervert artist who has been hiding pornographic pebbles around the village. The saucy stones have a painting of a male member on one side and the hashtag #HarefieldCocks on the other. Mrs Wanton, 43, from round Ash Grove told the Scandal “I found one in the Park next door. It had an impressive Percy on one side but no phone number on the other. I thought I recognised it too but I couldn’t put a name to it. It was on the tip of my tongue last night. My husband works nights. I’m so alone!” PC Brigade told the Scandal “I’d love to stop and chat but there’s a massive pothole in the High Street and I’ve got to look into it”. (God bless the Two Ronnies).