Christmas this year is looking doubtful as Santa’s sleigh failed its annual MOT at Prestons Garage. The B reg customised sled is classed as a vintage vehicle so it is not subject to road tax but must still pass a yearly inspection as proof of road worthiness. 

The dejected Father Christmas told our reporter “Hohoho! I’m gutted I am. Hohoho!  I don’t know what I’m going to do now. I used to have a spare one but I lent it to Mr. Smudger and he wrapped it round a lamp post outside the Kings Arms and wrote it off. Hohoho!”. 

2016 will in all probability go down in history as the worst year ever. It’s been one thing after another, David Bowie passing, Euro 2016, Brexit, Donald Trump and now this. Our reporter spoke to the chief mechanic at Prestons, Jack Spanner, who explained “I tried to be a bit lenient with the old fella but really it was rotten underneath. The sub frame had gone and the sills were rusted through. I made a list and I checked it twice! He won’t get that back on the road in a hurry I can tell you. No brakes either! He reckoned he didn’t need them, said something about reindeer”. 

Santa wasn’t at all happy with the explanation. ” Fucksake I only need it for one night. Hohoho. I tried bunging him one of them new fivers from the bakers but he ate it! If I don’t get it back by Friday the garage is shut til next year! They said something about nobody works over Christmas well I fuckin do hohoho!”

“I can see me subbing the job out to Parcel Force and you know what they’re like. They’ll just stick a note down the chimney saying sorry you were out when we called blah blah blah hohoho. Merry bleedin’ Christmas everyone. Hohoho!”

Santa waiting for the bad news.