Bookies’ favourite to replace Baron Londis as Lord Mayor of Harefield, the Bloke Who Walks Backwards Along Harvil Road, dramatically withdrew his candidacy this afternoon. 

Baron Londis’ surprise resignation after losing the referendum on Hexit, which resulted in Harefield taking control of its borders with Denham, left the village facing a snap election for mayor, to be decided before the fair comes to the common in July. 

The Bloke Who Walks Backwards Along Harvil Road had been a leading campaigner for SHOT, the South Harefield Out Treaty, and had been expected to be elected by a large majority as the new Lord Mayor. He agreed to be interviewed by our current affairs reporter Polly Ticks. 

“The problem is” he told her ” that I didn’t expect the Out Campaign to win. I just thought that by standing for tougher border controls I would appeal to all the old folks who wanted to return to the good old days of outdoor toilets , rationing and tuberculosis. Now we have the mandate from the villagers to control our borders I haven’t a blasted clue how we can do it! I mean, once we close the border with Denham we then have to do the same with Ricky, West Hyde, Northwood, Ruislip and Uxbridge. Captain Manucci and the Harefield Home Guard just couldn’t cope”. 

The Bloke Who Walks Backwards Along Harvil Road is now expected to resume walking backwards along Harvil Road. This leaves the field wide open for other notable candidates such as Mr. Smudger from round Ash Grove who represents the Campaign for Longer Opening Times (CLOT),  Bilbo Webfoot, a hobbit from Mount Pleasant who is leader of the Magic Mushroom Party, Mrs. Wanton, also from round Ash Grove, on behalf of the Ann Summers Party, Barry Tinfoil-Nutjob of the Raving Loony Party and the Good Witch Mango (Independent), running for the phasing out of baffling decimal currency. 

Supporters of SHIT, the South Harefield In Treaty are now organising an online petition to hold a second referendum on Hexit as nobody seems to know what the fuck is going on.