Chaos ensued in Harefield last night as the super moon rose above the village.  According to local legend “When the moon’s reflection in the pond you see. The devil’s shadow shall fall on thee”. 

As the moon rose and grew bigger in the heavens the village’s sausage dogs started howling at the skies, the Revered Killjoy climbed the church tower and rang the doomsday bell and village idiot Joe Scrotum started running around in small circles on the common, flapping his hands and shouting for his mum. 

Harefield historian Old Pete from the allotments remembered the last time a super moon passed over the village back in 1869. “It just grazed the top of the war memorial on the common that time” he told  a crowd that had gathered in the Kings Arms car park “But it looks lower in the sky this time. I reckon it’ll knock the damned thing over!”  

“He’s talking nonsense” said the Bloke Who Walks Backwards Along Harvil Road “Everyone with a grain of sense knows that the gravitational pull of the pond will drag the moon into the water beforehand”. 

“I bloody hope not!” exclaimed Wayne Harris, a mallard who lives on the pond “The missus has just put the chicks to bed”. 

Up on Mount Harefield the Good Witch Mango and her coven from round Ash Grove danced in their bare trollies by the sacred stones while the two hundred year old wizard Hairspring chanted spells and the Harefield Ukelele Orchestra played Bad Moon Rising, as was usual for a full moon. Unbeknownst to the villagers, these ancient rites would keep them safe from destruction for another month. 

Outside the Post Office, Private Evans from the Harefield Home Guard read in his racing paper that another super moon is expected on December 14th this year. “We’ll be ready for that one ” promised Captain Manucci “We’ll get the old Howitzer Big Bertha out on the common and as soon as the moon comes up we’ll shoot the fucker down over Ruislip!”

A village teenage monkey practices wheelies by the light of the silvery moon.