The Archers, the long running Radio Four tale of everyday country folk from Ambridge, is coming to Harefield. The cast are to record two episodes on location early in May. 

A show insider told the Scandal that there will be one episode recorded on the village common during the annual May Day festivities and another on Farmer Turncoat’s Blackheart Farm, which will be used as the setting for Home Farm. The programme, which has a higher body count than the beginning of Saving Private Ryan, is expected to feature another murder mystery. 

The Harefield May Day celebrations are famous throughout Middlesex. The day long beano culminates in the Fertility Dance where twelve young virgins, this year imported from Ruislip as there were none locally available, dance naked around the Maypole on the common. The insider told us that live naked virgins are essential to the recording for authenticity. 

Other Harefield locations are expected to be used in the show. As well as Blackheart Farm doubling as Home Farm, the Harefield Royal Ex Servicemans British Legion Club is expected to become the Bull, the village shop and post office will be set in the Londis at the bottom shops and St. Paul’s Roman Catholic  Church in Merle Haggard Avenue will be used as the setting for Ambridge’s 12th century St. Stephen’s Church. Throughout the episodes Harefield will be referred to as being somewhere ‘On the other side of Felpersham’. 

The plot is said to be about David Archer being framed for the murder of farmhand Bill Grundy who was having an affair with  pub landlady Joelene Archer. Unreliable witness Mick Tucker confesses to having invented a story about Lynda Snell and Elizabeth Pargetter setting up a dominatrix salon and serial adulterer Brian Aldridge is caught shagging Emma Grundy in Tom Archer’s organic rhubarb patch. Tarmac and tree surgery gangs are accused of fly tipping hardcore and old mattresses and of horse rustling. Harefield residents will of course not find any of this at all far fetched. 

Our reporter visited the Kings Arms on the pretence of interviewing some locals about the news. The Reverend Killjoy told the Scandal “Er, I’ve , ah, only popped in here, ah, to, er, count the money in the, ah, collection tin on the bar. Yes, that’s it, er, count the money”. Tesco Clive then offered her a game of pool, Jimmy the Hoover said “Cheers” and Sean the Guv’nor told her “Buy a drink or get out!”  

Moulder Evans was unavailable for comment. 

  
Bill Grundy and some young farmers on set.