ULEZ protesters in Park Lane yesterday blocked in a TV Detector van. Mistaking it for a mobile ULEZ enforcement unit, the mob parked a Ford Anglia in front of the van and an Austin Allegro right behind it to stop it going anywhere. They then surrounded it holding placards to interfere with the micro wave signals that can tell whether you’re watching the test card or German porn.

The Scandal sent current affairs correspondent Watson Tellee to the scene and he spoke to the detector van driver Roger Mee, 61, from Dogsdoo Close Maple Cross who said “What, someone blocked me in? Dunno mate, I got a sticky bun and a cup of tea from the bakers, parked up outside the school to ogle the young mums and must’ve nodded off. Next thing I know you’re banging on the van and waking me up “.

Our reporter tracked down the protesters who were found picketing an ice cream van round Ash Grove. He spoke to Errol Terry, 24, a local fuckwit from the Kings Arms who said “It’s disgusting what they’re doing with this ULEZ thing. It’s political correctness gone mad. Next thing you know they’ll be banning beer and re-joining the Common Market”. He then started a chant with the rest of the crowd.

“What do we want?”

“Two 99s, a Rocket and a Mivvi!”

“When do we want to it?”

“Now!”