It’s looking increasingly unlikely that the planned vaccinations of Harefield’s centennials and nonagenarians will start today as the Covid-19 vaccines failed to arrive.

Anxious staff at the Harefield Doctors Surgery took to the popular Facebook page Harefield Up Your Arse to query the whereabouts of the village’s finest delivery company Hermes of Harefield. Receptionist Jenny Moneypenny posted “Does anyone have the number for the Hermes driver who does Rickmansworth Road? I was supposed to have an urgent delivery last night and was so busy waiting for it I didn’t have time to answer the phone and be rude to the patients “.

The wives and girlfriends of Harefield’s finest courier company took to their keyboards in response. Hayley Daley posted “They’re working as hard as they can, my Arthur worked until gone closing time last night and couldn’t even eat his dinner, he said he was full up from eating at all the places he delivered to”.

Lesley Leslie added “ My Les only covers South Harefield, Hill End, Park Lane, the High Street and round Ash Grove. Rickmansworth Road is done by some swampy from Maple Cross”.

Keith Koff the postie commented “We can’t get the blame for this one. Don’t forget to tip your postie this Christmas, he’s out there in his shorts in all weathers!”

Local conspiracy theorist ‘Nutty’ Norman Nutjob had the last word. “Don’t have the vaccine, it’s full of 5G and will turn you into a zombie for Christmas “.

In loving memory of Bob the Butcher and Len the Librarian, two of Harefield’s finest ever alliterations.