The Vicar of Harefield, the Very Reverend Killjoy of St Mary’s, has won the village flag award. During a nationwide campaign to ‘Get are country back’ a prize was offered to the individual or group who could place the flag of St George or the Union Flag in the most ridiculous place.

Event judge Bunty Bunting, 69, a retired flagger and paver from Lacoste Lawns talked us through the top three. ‘In third place’ she said ‘we have Gadolf Gittler who did such a lovely job of painting the zebra crossing in our national socialist colours’

‘And in second place is Granny Godfrey who painted a George cross on the roundabout. Unfortunately her son Godfrey had fallen asleep on the roundabout after falling out of the KA the night before so he was painted also’.

‘And in first place’ she droned on ‘is the vicar who had the brilliant idea of hoisting the flag of St George on top of the church! Radical or what?’

The Scandal contacted the Reverend Killjoy to congratulate him. ‘Eh?’ He interjected ‘ I won a prize for what? That flag was already there when I got the gig here. I think I heard Dennis Connor put it there in the 60s to mark the start of the Cold War or Cliff Richard winning Eurovision or something. Fuck all to do with me mate. Now you’ll have to excuse me, I was in the middle of washing my unmentionables in the church font’.