The Harefield and District Rural Council have been forced to cancel plans for a Youth Centre to be built in the park round Ash Grove. This follows direct action from the pressure group Ash Grove Rules Ok otherwise known as AGRO. Activists held a sit-in at the park round Ash Grove last Saturday afternoon, with a barbecue, disco and beers around a bonfire. When it was pointed out to the demonstrators that the council workmen wouldn’t be coming to start digging on a Saturday, organiser Gladys Nimby produced a banjo ukelele and lead the crowd in a rendition of We Shall Overcome. ‘WHAT DO WE WANT?’ she hollered. ‘NO YOUTH CLUB!’ came the reply ‘WHEN DO WE WANT ONE?’ ‘NOW!’

Residents from the nearby Gilbert O’Sullivan estate held a march in solidarity from their park to the one round Ash Grove. Organiser Mrs Mango told our reporter ‘We don’t want a youth club round here and we don’t want one round Ash Grove. There’ll be all sorts going on, you mark my word, and the parking, well, it’s bad enough already. We’ve had to pave over our driveways to park our white vans and caravans as it is!’

Mrs. Wanton from the house by the garages complained ‘They can see right through my kitchen window when I’m cooking my husband’s tea in the nude. And right into the bathroom if they stand on a stepladder. My husband goes to work  at seven every morning and doesn’t get home until six at night. I’m so alone’.

The Mayor of Harefield, Baron Londis, issued a statement. “I don’t know what’s up with you people. First you want a youth club then when we decide to build you one you don’t want it. You people make me sick. You complain that the kids of the village have nowhere to go or nothing to do  then you act like a load of yobbos with your sit-ins and demonstrations. Don’t forget to vote for me in the Mayoral Elections in May!”

Our reporter spoke to a man with a clipboard who identified himself as Percy Particular from the planning office who told us “They may have won this round but I’ve had a planning application from Winkers Night Club to relocate to Ash Grove. That’ll fuck them up!”