Harefield villagers have elected a new mayor. Charlie Cairoli, otherwise known as Count Charlie, was announced in the early hours of this morning as the new Mayor of Harefield. Cairoli, 80, a professional clown from Countess Close, won in a close battle with several other clowns, including CoCo, Krusty, Bozo, Pennywise, Ronald McDonald and Felicity Comfortable-Shoes from the Lib-Dems.

The election was held after the previous unelected mayor, Mr. Smudger, from round Ash Grove, resigned in protest, over a row about whose round it was in the Spotted Dalmatian. Smudger lost his deposit in the election after a drunken episode on the campaign trail involving a ferret, a kebab and his neighbour Mrs Sally Fudgecakes.

In his acceptance speech at the declaration, in the Scout Hut, Cairoli promised to deliver on his manifesto of custard pies for everyone, clown cars with doors that fall off and exploding cigars on the National Health.

A satirical author from the upmarket Dovedale estate muttered ‘Don’t blame me, I voted for Mr. Pastry’.