There have been angry scenes in the High Street this morning as Harefield villagers have protested against the forthcoming eclipse of the sun this evening. Rumours started spreading that the world would end after the One Show. Irate Harefieldians gathered on the common wielding pitchforks and torches, threatening to march on the Moonies’ site at Widewater Place, where they are planning to build a cathedral.

The Scandal’s reporter Gladys Friday spoke to the rioters to gauge the mood. Billy-Bob Cleetus, 42, a hillbilly from Hill End Road told her ‘These moonies have angered the potato gods by building their unholy houses of abomination on the sacred Acrow site and now it is prophesied that a giant potato will obscure the sun, ending all life on earth as we know it’.

Another redneck, his brother and father, Cleetus Billy-Bob, 52, from Church Hill, agreed with him. ‘What he said’ said the toothless cyclops.

The angry mob then stormed Cost Cutters to buy several gallons of moonshine and went back to the common to build a giant potato effigy to hopefully appease their angry gods.

Passing nonagenarian dog walker Betty Hoosagoodboy, 97, from the God’s Waiting Room Retirement Home in Vermin Drive, said ‘Ooh, someone’s gonna sleep well tonight.